family pictures 2010 :)

brad and diondra came up for a wedding so we decided to squeeze an hour away from their busy schedule to hurry and do some family pictures. so here is what i came up with in a hurry.

The sibs!

Brad and Diondra

lil' miss gorgeous jenn jenn

the whole fam damily!

lovely ladies :)

and the studly boys.

SNOW

i am one of those utah people that has always hated winter. until a couple years ago when i fell in love with snowboarding. i suck, but i love it. probably because its something i enjoy doing which makes the snow and the cold worth coming around once a year.

don't get me wrong... i have a love/hate relationship with the cold. snow is so crazy gorgeous to me now that i HAVE to LOVE the cold, but only when there is snow. which is why this morning when i looked out my window, a huge smile stretched across my face. :)

but, unfortunately, this year i won't be able to get up on the mountain at all. maybe next year? hopefully. :) either that or when my boy is old enough to tag along and learn for himself. either way I CAN'T WAIT!!! :D :D

friends.

there isn't anything i hate more than seeing an amazing friend go through an extremely rough time. and in most cases i don't know what to do or say except for just to be there for them, even though it doesn't feel like it's enough. i just hate how sometimes all you can do as a friend is be a shoulder to cry on. this is one of my favorite songs that a friend of mine sent me when i was going through a rough time.

.twenty-five.

so i did this a while ago and decided to do it again... well mostly change some of what i had. but yeah. :)

1. I LOOOVE dance more than anything in this world.
2. i believe you should never make a promise that you only think you can keep.
3. I love playing in the rain and jumping in the puddles it creates. :D
4. I am going to be the mother of a beautiful baby boy on jan. 21 2010
5. i love reading. but definitely don't read often enough
6. I HATE it when people get too involved with my life... people have their own lives for a reason... we don't need others.
7. I HATE it when people over obsess with what they think other people are thinking or doing.
8. i am addicted to politics and wish everyone wanted to be as involved as i do.
9. i love peanut m&ms, dr. pepper, and orange julius. but not all at the same time.
10. I invision how i want things to go... and if they don't go that way then i get really angry.. which is stupid because people don't know what i want them to say. haha.
11. I hate driving slow and want to kill people that drive in such a stupid manner.
12. i think its funny when someone slows down to see an accident and then gets in an accident themselves.
13. I love skinny jeans but hate wearing super tight pants.. haha
14. i know the only good thing barack obama has done in his presidency is getting young voters more involved in the voting process. only problem is.. he only attracts individuals who are uneducated about who is running for office.
15. I think if you enjoy doing something.. you can't possibly suck at doing it.
16. I enjoy driving to random places where no one knows where i am.
17. I love winger's sticky fingers.
18. i hate make up. it bugs my eyes. but i can't stand seeing myself without it.
19. i wish my family was overly obsessed with hawaii.
20. i hate wearing shoes.. but i have like 26 pairs?? i'm a nerd.
21. i thoroughly enjoy typing. maybe a little too much.
22. i want to become a surgical technician for my son. and that's the only reason. which i believe is the best reason in the world.
23. I am slightly hypocritical.
24. i love photography. but i don't take it seriously enough to make a living off of it.
25. i honestly have the best family and friends in the world. no doubt about it.

week 26

i have never been so hormonal in my entire life. and it is really quite irritating. but even when i realize i'm being overly hormonal, i still feel like whatever upset me... was a very normal thing to be upset about.

mood swings are sooooo awesome. i love wanting to rip someone's head off and then wanting to go do something fun with them like thirty seconds later. it's like being five again and getting in a fight with your best friend and then forgetting fifteen minutes later. LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE it!

chancey pants is a kicking fool. and he loves to kick at the worst possible times. like when i'm sitting in class trying to focus, when i'm studying, or right when i lay down to go to sleep. i wish i could say i'm absolutely annoyed by it, but i'm not. i love feeling him kick and move around. it's always the highlight of my day.

DREAMS!!!! oh my lanta. i hate dreaming because they are always so insanely bizarre.

last night i had a dream that chance just came out of my stomach in a very ghostly manner and it was the weirdest thing. he didn't want me to hold him so i was very upset that i couldn't feel him moving around inside me anymore.

a couple nights ago i had a dream that my parents grounded me to their basement. there was a big hole in the wall with a HUGE spider inside and i could hear the spider hissing and it freaked me out. so i went and got bug killer and killed him and then a troll came out of nowhere and told me to stop making such a big deal over a stupid spider... yeah. i hate dreaming. and that same night i had another dream that my room was filled with the strangest people whom i had apparently invited over for cake. and i really had to go to the bathroom but none of them would let me leave. it was AWFUL.

so to me, pregnancy is kinda hilarious... unless i'm stuck in a dream.

dance.

“What is so important is about the vulnerability that you have to allow yourself to have." - Mia Michaels

mia michaels is pretty much my dance hero. mainly because of her inspiring routines and words. the quote above is what inspired me to let go whenever i am choreographing anything... whether its a floor combination, technique combination, or a dance... if you can't allow the world to see the feeling you are trying to portray in the dance, then the dance isn't a dance. it is only a combination of movements with no meaning.

learning how to truly express emotions through movement has been life changing for me. i used to write and write poem after poem trying to explain through words how i felt in certain situations. this works great, but actually being able to visualize the feeling is so much more amazing. whether it be happiness, sorrow, heartache, pain... there is always someone in the world that can comprehend the feeling you are trying to express, and not a single word is needed.

when you can truly allow yourself to be completely vulnerable, the amount of moves you can create are endless. so why repeat the same moves over and over again, when there is a world of possibilities? - that is a question mia michaels asked a group of dancers that attended one of her workshops. lucky for me, one of my college teachers was there to hear it.

i've come a LONG way in the last year and i only hope i will be able to grow more.

i LOVE dance.

Countdown.

FIFTEEN. 15. quince.

that's the number of weeks left until my baby boy is placed in my arms.

Chance Jonathan Stebbins.

my sweet angel.

today i realized a few things.

1. i hate creating quilt patterns. so NEVER ask me to make a quilt. i am horrible at sewing, and i am anti-quilting.

2. i love it when my mom makes me no-bake cookies. she ALWAYS manages to put in the perfect extra amount of chocolate. and i LOVE the way she makes them taste.

3. i am anti-bluray. seriously... there really isn't that big of a difference unless you look close enough and enjoy seeing famous people's zits. plus, what's the point in having one only for netflix?? my parents NEVER buy dvds.. so why would they buy blurays?? silly dad. i told him several times not to get one and today he walks in with one and sets it up. all for NETFLIX which we already have through our wii. i honestly think that because he went through the entire television creation and every single upgrade made up to the latest HDTV he thinks he has to have the best.. i personally think it's silly and a waste of two-hundred dollars. but that's just my opinion.

and lastly...

4. DR. PEPPER. is my favorite drink. it's soooo crazy delicious. and i can't believe i've gone 5 months without it. today i got my fix, and i've been in heaven ever since.

anywho... a friend of mine quoted on the famous facebook:

No one can go back and start a new beginning but, today you can start a new ending!

i have pondered quite a bit on this, and decided a new ending is a new beginning. because when you close one door you always have to open another. even if the door you open has to do with the same situation, it's still a new beginning. if that makes sense to anyone besides myself, i will be amazed.

and that's all for today!

PEACE n' BLESSINGS.

...whisper, "i love you" in my ear

lately every song i hear

playing through my radio

makes me think of you,

and i can't help but smile.

maybe i'm going crazy

because we thought the feeling

had suddenly disappeared

but there's nothing i want more

than to hear you whisper,

"i love you" in my ear.

i remember why i fell in love,

and the happy times we shared.

i'm not ready for them to be gone,

i only hope you feel the same.

i wish i could hold you

and look you in the eye

tell you that i'm sorry

and i don't ever want

to hear you say goodbye.

stuck like glue

i love this song. to the max.

Sugarland - Stuck Like Glue

i love him, i love him not.

almost completely certain

i don't have a clue what i'm doing.

he loves me,

he loves me not.

that is not the game i play.

my game is simple.

i love him,

i love him not.

over and over again.

till i decide to stop.

and say hello to someone new.

and the game begins again.

petal by petal

they fall to the floor

breaking a heart or two

then running to the door

hoping i can stop them

before it's too late

but it always is,

i have already made the mistake.

i love him,

i love him not.

will my game never end?

i would like to know the answer,

so i pick a flower

and begin to play again.

i love him,

i love him,

i love him,

not a single i love him not.

.the life of ness.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO

here is an update on my awesome life.

i am now 24 weeks and 5 days pregnant. the doctor let me switch my due date from january 23 to january 21. i was soooo ecstatic about this!!

my boy has had quite the attitude the last couple of days. today whenever he has been awake, it's been non stop kicking. and yesterday i could feel him pushing his head against my sides, ALL DAY. not a fun experience. so i called up his dad and talked to him for a bit and he calmed right down. which makes me want to rethink the decision i made to not really be in a relationship with him anymore. i'm having a really hard time knowing for certain if i'm doing the right thing by slowly working my way to being just friends with my son's dad and the two of us raising him as two friends. i'm not nearly annoyed or irritated by things he does now that we aren't an actual couple. probably because i don't expect as much out of him. i don't know. it's going to be three more weeks before i have to talk to him in person, so we will see.

i cry a lot, crave chocolate and orange julius, and can't survive the day without cinnamon in the morning. as the morning sickness starts going away, the more normal my pregnancy becomes. cravings and emotions are getting worse. which i will take gladly over the constant nausea. although sometimes i freak out without having anything to really be upset about, and i'm really easily offended.

there is someone who has come back into my life from high school and i can't get over how much them being there is helping me. i love that i can talk to this person about anything. and they look at me for who i am, not as a pregnant version of vanessa that everyone else does. it's so crazy how people start looking at and treating you differently when they see you're pregnant. and not always in a bad way. it's just super nice to have someone to talk to about ANYTHING in the world without my baby being brought up unless i do so myself.

i'm getting bigger every day! sooo crazy and tough for me, but with all the emotions, cravings, and body changes, i still LOVE being pregnant and can't wait till he's actually here in my arms.

that's about it!