alarm clock.

my baby boy is already the perfect alarm clock. but in a potentially humiliating way.

this morning at 7:30 i woke up to the beautiful feeling of my child kicking. but instead of the normal "awh! good morning baby!" reaction, it was "get up and run to the john".

yes. he was kicking my bladder and i nearly wet my pants. i guess i am thankful it wasn't in the middle of the night, and he was decent enough to wait till a decent hour to complain about not having the space he was used to.

it's really amazing how unborn babies have their own little personalities that only the mother knows. for example, my son hates it when i am hot. he will be squirming like crazy and if i place a wet towel on my stomach, he instantly calms down. and he doesn't like it one bit when his space is invaded. meaning i can't sit up straight, i have to be leaning back into a chair. and when we had the 20 week ultra sound, he wouldn't stop moving the entire time and kept hiding his face.

motherhood is such a beautiful thing. i love it. :)

.one day.

one day he'll see things the way i do.

one day he will be so thankful i did everything the way i am.

one day he will understand why i get frustrated over the little things and handle the big things as patiently as i can.

one day.

so what if i get irritated when stays up late and complains about how tired he is.
so what if i get irritated when i see he spent 13 bucks at mickey d's.

so what if i understand when his car breaks down and he can't come up to see me.
so what if i understand when he can't make it to a doctor's appointment.

so what?

maybe i'm only seeing things the way i want to.
maybe i'm rejoicing that i'm not married.
maybe i'm realizing how not ready he is for all of this.
maybe i'm ready to do this alone.

maybe.

honestly, i'm not surprised he flips when i confront him about something i'm concerned about.

honestly, i don't care if he thinks i don't care. cause maybe i don't.
honestly, i'm making more sacrifices than he is.

honestly, i'm still sitting here hoping that one day he will wake up and all this will hit him in the face.

honestly.

but honestly, so what if its a maybe, maybe not, one day situation?

i'm committed to my child.

and no one can change that.

<3

nineteen and pregnant.

as of today, i am 21 weeks and 7 days pregnant. boy oh boy do i love my unborn baby boy more than anything in this world.
it's crazy to think that had i not decided to postpone the wedding, i would be marrying his father in about 3 hours. but i know i made the right decision, and i honestly have no regrets. i want to provide all i am capable of for my son and that is why the decision was made to wait. so i could go to school and get a tech degree to be able to provide for him. it's so crazy how fast you can grow up when you find out you are pregnant. i honestly believe my priorities are in the correct order for the first time in my life. 1. the gospel. 2. my son. 3. schooling. and honestly, those 3 things are all i'm worried about.
just last week i thought i missed college life. staying up late, partying, not taking care of anyone but myself. i thought that until i took a trip for the weekend to see my old roommates. but come 10:00 PM on last friday evening, all i could think about was drinking a big glass of water, doing my nightly routine, and getting the rest i need to let my body nourish my unborn son. i was shocked. because i was so devastated just the day before because all i could think about was how i wasn't going to be able to go to a party or a bonfire and see all my friends from college.
but the truth is, i don't miss it one bit. not anymore. i'm so thankful that i was determined to take that trip. because until then, i wasn't sure that i was ready. but i know i am now.
he is my pride and joy, and i'm so happy i am bringing him into this world.
it's crazy how fast life can hit you. i'm so happy i have a personality where i know to make the best of everything that happens.